Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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