yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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