the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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