watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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