Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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