Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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