I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
