Sober January is a disaster.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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