Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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