If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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