I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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