I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
