He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
