You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
