Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
