Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
