first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
