she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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