come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
