Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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