I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize