it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
