Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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