Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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