He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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