just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
