Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And then my night got REAL pukey
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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