If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
