Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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