shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
