Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
