dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Someone signed my nipple.
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