I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
