I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
