he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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