Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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