so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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