This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
