She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want nice things and good sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
