No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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