I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
