I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
