Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
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