i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
