Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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