The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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