i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
