I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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