At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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