I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
