Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
